Posts Tagged ‘death’

Communicating with pets after their death

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
Yellow Tabby

Yellow Tabby

I am fascinated by communications with pets who have transitioned. Having left all the worldly cares behind some are off and running towards their next life experience. Some pause to watch over their loved ones who need comfort as they grieve. Still others need time to recuperate. The experiences are as varied as the creatures themselves.

Owners so often agonize over making “the decision.” Is it the right time? Am I being selfish to wait? Animals understand intention. If the intention is good then they can easily make peace with your decision.

I am reminded of the transitioned dog I communicated with who was in shock. There was no warning. Just a quick trip to the vet and it was over. It would have eased her transition had her owners spent just a few minutes explaining to her what was about to happen. But even then she was able to get past it and explore her new world.

A cat I visited with shortly before his death was simply furious at finding himself trapped. He fussed and fumed and struggled with everything he had in him until he became resigned to his impending death. The next time I communicated with him he had transitioned and was totally at peace. His only concern was for his grieving “mom” who was inconsolable that she had been unable to find his body. He wanted her to understand that the body was no longer important and to please not try to find it as that would only cause her more pain. He urged her to adopt another feline soon and move forward rather than stay stuck in the past with her grief.

There are many more stories, some I will share in future posts. But, before I conclude, I wanted to pass along a message from the spirit animal’s perspective on the topic:

They feel the burden of your grief and worry like a string tethering them to your world. It is up to the human to do their part to let go and allow their pet to move on. Letting go is more than just making the decision to euthanize. It is thanking them for their presence in your life, for the joy and memories. then letting go and moving on with your life. You do no honor to your pet by remaining stuck in grief and depression. If you need them to spend time with you in spirit they are perfectly willing to do that, most of the time. Again you must allow it and then acknowledge their gift. Appreciate that they are giving more of their attention to you than to moving on and do not take advantage of it. Use the time to pull yourself together and move on. Know that they are perfectly happy for you to find another pet. In fact you do them great honor by doing so. It means that you are willing to open your heart to another and share the love as you did with them. You can do them no greater honor.

Do not agonize over whether to get another pet. If you feel another would fit into your life then go ahead and do it. The sooner the better as you will begin the healing process and then your transitioned pet will be able to move on that much quicker. If they feel they left you worse off than when they found you they will feel dishonored.  It’s like a black cloud hanging over them. It means they did not do their part in your life to prepare you for moving forward. They do not want to hold you back. They want you to continue growing and expanding just as they are. That is the greatest gift you can give them once they have crossed over.

Have you communicated with a pet who has transitioned? Was it what you expected? Did it give you comfort? I’d love to hear your story. Please click on comments below to share your experience.

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What happens to my pet(s) when I die?

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

If you have pets, from time to time you may wonder what would happen to them in the event of your death. Usually those thoughts are quickly pushed aside as too painful to think about.

The choices that immediately come to mind are:

1. Do nothing and leave their fate up to providence.

2. Set up a trust to care for them per your specifications.

3. Leave them in the care of a trusted family member or friend.

4. Have them humanely euthanized and let them accompany you to the next world like the Pharaohs of old.

Of course there are pros and cons to each of these options and the choice is further complicated depending upon the number, age, and expected life span of your pet(s).

Probably the most common is doing nothing. This option places an unfair burden upon the person handling your estate. Maybe they’ll find a wonderful home. More likely they will end up in a shelter competing with all the other homeless animals, potentially facing euthanization. Pleas for pets seeking homes after their owner dies are not uncommon.

If you are financially able, you may choose to set up a trust and specify your wishes in your will. (It is important to note that without a will pets are considered part of the estate and go to next of kin, regardless of your wishes.) In this way you can provide for your pet(s) for the remainder of their lives. You can specify the exact care they are to be given. There is still no guarantee that they will thrive without you, but at least you will have done everything in your power to provide for their well being.

Designating a trusted family member or friend to assume the responsibility may be an option if that person is ready, willing, and able to take on such a responsibility. But what happens if the pet(s) outlive this person or if their circumstances change?

I have heard more than one person state that it is their intent to have their pet(s) euthanized in the event of their (the owner’s) death. Having considered the above-mentioned options and their associated pitfalls, they have concluded that this is the best way to ensure their pet(s) well being. However, this option requires finding a vet willing to euthanize pets regardless of their age and physical state. You should also know that your request may not be legally enforceable.

There simply is no “right” or “perfect” choice. In fact the “right” choice may differ from one pet to another. So what is a caring pet owner to do?

As an animal communicator the most natural option that comes to mind is: Talk to them about your concerns and find out if they have a preference.

You may be surprised at their answers. Animals view death as simply a transition, as opposed to humans who mostly fear their inevitable passing.

Your pet(s) may not want to live without you. How many times have you heard about pets who die shortly after their owners? On the other hand, your pet(s) may not be finished with this life experience and would prefer to take their chances at finding a new, loving home. You’ll never know if you don’t ask. Plus you’ll have the peace of mind of knowing that your pet(s) were included in the decision-making process.

Please feel free to contact me with questions or to assist you in communicating with your pet(s).

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Remembering Joshua, the dog of a lifetime.

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

It’s been a year today since my incredible dog, Joshua, departed this world. I cannot believe he has been gone an entire year. I still get emotional when I talk about him, but  I wouldn’t trade our fourteen years together for anything.

Joshua was very much a part of our family. He came to us from North Shore Animal League at just eight weeks. A border collie mix, he was super smart and incredibly sensitive to our feelings and needs. He loved treats and quickly learned a number of tricks. Show him a treat and he would start going through his entire repertoire before you had decided which one to ask for.

He was phobic about thunderstorms. Even minor storms threw him into a panic attack from which he could not be distracted. So when I awoke this morning to a torrential storm, complete with thunder and lightning, it somehow seemed as if sent from Joshua himself to me.

He’s now beyond such worldly cares, but it was the perfect way to remember and celebrate the life that he so generously shared with us for an all too brief interlude.

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Euthanizing a beloved pet

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Sooner or later if you have pets you will have to face “the decision” of euthanasia. It’s a gut-wrenching decision, but when the time comes, you owe it to your beloved pet to end their suffering.

The tricky thing is knowing “when.” We torture ourselves with all manner of questions and thoughts: “Is my pet really ready?” How can I be sure it’s time?” “Will my pet hate me?” “It feels like a betrayal.” “I can’t bear to let her go, but I also can’t bear to see her suffer.”

First, it helps to understand that animals view death very differently from humans. They understand that it is just the next step in their journey. They know that they may choose to reincarnate and experience many more lifetimes. They may also choose to return to a particular guardian.

Second, if you are in tune with your pet, you will probably know when it’s time. There will be a look in their eyes, a pleading or a peaceful acceptance. Sometimes a pet will hang on for the sake of a guardian who just can’t come to terms with the inevitable. When you can’t be sure of the signs, or if you think your pet is sacrificing a quality life to linger for your sake, you may opt to consult an animal communicator. A communicator will connect with your pet and find out what they are thinking and feeling.

Third, making “the decision” when the time comes is a sacred duty that we owe to our beloved companions. It is the final loving gift, one your pet will not soon forget. If you want them to reincarnate and return to you, let them know. Your gift will be remembered and they will be more likely to choose to spend another lifetime with you. After the transition, you may wish to check in on your pet with the assistance of an animal communicator. This is an opportunity to get any remaining questions answered and it can be very therapeutic.

Not long ago I communicated with a lovely dog (I’ll call her Helga), who had very recently been euthanized. Her guardian was distressed and second guessing her decision. She was very concerned about how Helga was doing and whether she understood or was angry. When I communicated with Helga she had some surprising things to share:

“I was really confused at first. It happened pretty fast then all of a sudden there was no pain and I was here in this beautiful place. It’s warm, lots of sunshine. Lots of other four leggeds to meet and greet. I’m planning on catching up with all my old friends and family. There are so many it’s going to take me a while to find and catch up with all of them. Good thing I have a keen sense of smell so I can more easily track them down. I thought they were all supposed to be lined up waiting for me.  But they seem to be waiting for me to come to them. I guess they’re giving me time to adjust because it was such an abrupt transition.”

“Do you know that I can have a job if I want or just lie around? I get to choose. I sure do miss my family though. It’s good there are lots of distractions so that I don’t spend too much time missing them. I know I’m supposed to move on but I can feel their sadness and it pulls at me. Please let them know I would have stayed longer if it was possible. I had a good life and they should be very proud of the life they gave me. You know there are a lot of animals here who can’t say the same. I am one of the really lucky ones.”

“Please let my family know that I will keep an eye on them. I will never forget what they did for me. It will be my privilege to watch over them until they join me here. I’ll make sure to have a spectacular gathering of friends when they arrive and we’ll have a huge reunion. Kisses!”

When I relayed this message to the guardian, she explained that Helga had taken an unexpected turn for the worse and “the decision” had to be made immediately. There was no time to prepare Helga or themselves. It was just a quick trip to the vet and she was gone.

The comforting part of this message was that in spite of less than ideal circumstances, Helga was thriving, happy, and sending not just love to her family but kisses. She was very grateful to be out of that old body and on to her next adventure. If the guardian asked, I have little doubt she would choose to reincarnate very quickly and return to her.

Not everyone can allow themself to believe that our pets reincarnate let alone return to us. That’s ok, the animals understand. They do not judge and have the capacity to accept whatever comes their way. We all must walk our own path so be at peace and trust that everything will work out as it should. Life is oh so much richer when we have our faithful animal companions to share it with.

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Do animals grieve?

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

Unequivocally, yes!

Animals form attachments to other animals, and people, so naturally they grieve when that friend is no longer in their life. You don’t need to be able to communicate to recognize the signs. How many stories have you heard about horses who stood over the grave of an equine friend who died? How many stories have you heard about dogs who grieved themselves to death over the loss of their guardian?

Recently I communicated with a goat who was listless and had little appetite after losing his goat buddy. He understood that his friend had moved on to a better place but he still missed him. After our communication he still grieved, but felt less burdened through sharing his feelings. He was open to having a new goat friend and is on the road to recovery.

What about animals who lose their offspring? Don’t you imagine they feel the loss as keenly as we humans? I witnessed a mare undergo a personality change after losing her foal. She took the loss very hard and it was more than a year before she reverted (almost) to her previous self.

Animals grieve when they are taken from their home to live with new guardians. Often they do not understand why and they certainly miss the friends left behind. No one asks them if they want to go or explains why. Any time you bring a new pet into your home understand that there will be a transition and be supportive. They will adore you for making the effort.

So what specifically can you do to help a four-legged friend who’s grieving? Spend quiet time with them. Talk with them. Empathize over their loss. Reminisce over happy memories. Pretty much what you’d do with a human friend who’s grieving. They may not understand every word you say, but they will understand the intent and they will appreciate your compassion.

If you don’t feel confident about your abillity to communicate with your friend, or your efforts are not effective, consider consulting an animal communicator. They will bridge the gap between you, answering your questions and communicating what’s on your four-legged friend’s mind.

Please visit petchatter.com for more information. It would be my privilege and pleasure to facilitate a communication between you and your animal friend.

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